A COURSE IN MIRACLES

TODAY I BEGIN TO ADD ESSAYS FROM MY YEARS AS A COURSE IN MIRACLES TEACHER, as well as others on other topics. I'll use a prefix and a label (ACIM:) for those articles, so if you're interested, you can find them, and if you're not, not.

All were probably written between 1985-2004, for the monthly newsletter I edited and published for the Center for A Course in Miracles in Portland, Oregon, the Center my mother, Frances Reed, established in 1985 (it's still there, though we're not!). Those were the years of my most intense study and teaching of the Course, after my healing from metastatic cancer. My spiritual path has moved on and diverged, while never losing the teachings of the Course, now permanently embedded in my consciousness.

Here's the first one.

ACIM: Potholes and Pitfalls
by Judy Allen

In the years of my devotion to the Course I have witnessed my own stages of development, and also a number of potholes and pitfalls in my experience. I write this not to "save" others from falling into them, but to join with others who have had or will have the same experience, in laughter and love.

At a recent retreat at the Trappist Abbey, Brother Mark pointed out a framed quote in the meditation room: "God, Whose Love and Joy are present everywhere, can't come to visit you unless you aren't there. A. Silesius." I wondered about this. I don't have to be there? But then I realized...my ego can't be there. God can't come to visit me unless my ego is absent.

And there is pothole #1. We try to throw the ego out, so God can visit. In fact, it's a big relief to imagine that we can throw the ego out, because we don't approve of much of what it is responsible for. There are some guilty secrets, some character flaws, and some fierce grievances that we'd just as soon bury. Then there will be space for God to visit, right?

Wrong. We can't really throw out the ego without looking at what it is we are throwing out. Until we know and accept all parts of ourselves without judgment and disapproval, we can't "give ourselves up." If we gathered up everything in the closet and gave it to Goodwill, without looking at what was in there, we would be likely to go shopping at Goodwill in the future, and find several outfits that we really like. And buy them back.

The Text, Chapter 13 Section III, "The Fear of Redemption", addresses this very well:

"You may wonder why it is so crucial that you look upon your hatred and realize its full extent. You may also think that it would be easy enough for the Holy Spirit to show it to you, and to dispel it without the need for you to raise it to awareness yourself...Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego's foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you."

In the Introduction to A Course in Miracles, we are told
"The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance."

The "blocks to the awareness of love's presence" are the many forms of fear locked in our subconscious mind, covering up the love that is our natural inheritance. We are afraid to listen to the Voice of Love, afraid that it, too, will tell us of our guilt and darkness. By becoming aware of our blocks and choosing to challenge our beliefs we can uncover the beauty of our true essence, which is love.

In other words, allow the thing within myself that I have judged as "not acceptable" to come into my awareness, look at it clear-eyed and without judgment, and ask the Holy Spirit to release it for me.

Pothole #2 is that old "body" thing again. Long-time students of the Course love to argue about whether or not we have a body, are a body, or merely imagine that such a thing could even exist. Especially if my body is experiencing illness, pain, or disability of any kind, it is very tempting to just ignore it totally, saying "I am not a body," and view our physical selves as entirely illusory and non-existent. This may be particularly true for some who have experienced physical abuse as a child and "left" their bodies in order to survive. They may have a particularly hard time as adults even being willing to stay grounded within their physical body.

But the Course is written to connect with the split mind, the mind that needs to be healed in order to perceive Truly. "I am not a body" does not deny that we have bodies, or at least perceive ourselves in that way. As I experience this world now, the Holy Spirit is helping me to wake up by using my every distorted perception of the Kingdom of Heaven as a teaching device. Even my body, which identifies me perfectly as a recognizable Child of God--with skin on.

While I seem to exist in this world, I see suffering, in myself and others. How can I deal with that, if I perceive bodies as non-existent? I can extend love to my body, and to the bodies of others, while choosing to see only spirit...

"But choose the spirit [over flesh] and all Heaven bends to touch your eyes and bless your holy sight, that you may see the world of flesh no more except to heal and comfort and to bless." (T-31.VI.1:8)

That is the purpose I see for bodies here--to heal and comfort and bless.