Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
ACIM: BLESSINGS AND CURSES
Changing a Curse to a Blessing
March-April 1997
My thoughts are private
My thoughts have no power
My thoughts are involuntary
Recognize these beliefs? These are the beliefs that hold our made-up world together--the shared idea of separateness and powerlessness.
The Course does not support these beliefs. In fact, the Course says the opposite:
Minds are joined
Thought and belief combine into a power surge that can literally move mountains
You are much too tolerant of mind wandering
Although I believe this, I tend to exclude my “idle” thoughts. Surely they are private and without effect!
No.
“Few appreciate the real power of the mind, and no one remains fully aware of it all the time. However, if you hope to spare yourself from fear there are some things you must realize, and realize fully. The mind is very powerful, and never loses its creative force. It never sleeps. Every instant it is creating. It is hard to recognize that thought and belief combine into a power surge that can literally move mountains. It appears at first glance that to believe such power about yourself is arrogant, but that is not the real reason you do not believe it. You prefer to believe that your thoughts cannot exert real influence because you are actually afraid of them. This may allay awareness of the guilt, but at the cost of perceiving the mind as impotent. If you believe that what you think is ineffectual you may cease to be afraid of it, but you are hardly likely to respect it. There are no idle thoughts. All thinking produces form at some level.” (T 2.VI.9)
Now, this idea does produce fear in me! I clearly recall one of those “life-changing moments” when I was about eight years old. I can see vividly where I was at the time, walking home from Presbyterian Sunday School. I was a quarter of a mile from home when my immature mind grasped a verse I had heard that day that “to deny God is to commit the unforgivable sin.” I wasn't sure what it meant to “deny God” but I was suddenly gripped by a horrible fear: What if I had denied God accidentally, before I knew it was an unforgivable sin, and now I was already condemned to hell forever no matter how “good” I might be from here on out! What if my wild thoughts somehow denied God without my intending to, because now that I knew it was an unforgivable sin it was like being told NOT to think of a blue monkey no matter what, and then trying NOT to think of a blue monkey!
The idea of fear had been introduced into my mind, and a fearful image of God took form. I recall going through the reasoning described in the above paragraph from the Text, first being afraid of my thoughts, then deciding that they couldn't be that powerful. This did allay my fear somewhat. What saved me was an idea I had absorbed from my mother--the suspicion that maybe the idea of “unforgivable sin” wasn't true anyway, maybe there was no literal hell, maybe God wasn't like that.
To now accept the idea that my mind is very powerful and that “all thinking produces form” takes me back to that innocent little girl's fear. What if my thoughts of anger or hatred in the past have hurt someone? What if my fear of something happening has caused that very thing to happen? What if I am not vigilant about my thoughts at every moment, and a stray thought gets away from me and causes havoc in my own or someone else's life?
In the last few months I have again become more vigilant in watching my thoughts. A healed mind, in my opinion, is a mind that no longer believes its thoughts are involuntary, or that they have no effect. A healed mind, furthermore, doesn't harbor guilt for its thoughts that may have caused harm. A healed mind recognizes the ego's attempts to convince it that harm is real and permanent. A healed mind knows this: “When you perform a miracle, I will arrange both time and space to adjust to it.” (T 2.V.A.11.1)
This means to me that when I invite the Holy Spirit to help me, and a miracle--a change of mind--occurs, retroactive healing takes place and erases all effects of miscreative thinking in the past. Retroactive healing. It means that yes, I am responsible for my thoughts and the harm they cause, and yes, any “harm” in the past can be erased in the present.
Here is another passage from the Course that, taken out of context, can cause old fear and new guilt to come up in my mind:
“This is the only thing that you need do for vision, happiness, release from pain and the complete escape from sin, all to be given you. Say only this, but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:
I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” (T 21.II.2)
I am responsible for everything that happens to me? I ask for it? But just as I begin to reject that possibility, I read on: “Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done to you. Acknowledge but that you have been mistaken, and all effects of your mistakes will disappear.” Again, retroactive healing. Time and space rearranged so that harm that seemed to have been done disappears.
On sabbatical, I have the quietness and time to watch my thoughts much of the time. I have noticed an interesting pattern: a “random” thought of a person, event, or condition, from the past, present, or future, will occur. And if I am willing to entertain idle thoughts, my mind jumps on a “train of thought” and takes off. The thought of a person will come to mind, and I have a whole palette of memories, speculations, judgments, and worries about that person, some of it pleasant, some of it painful.
But minds are joined. There are no private thoughts. Knowing this, I have begun a practice which does take practice --I believe it is what the Course advises us to do: I change the idle thoughts to a blessing. I get off the train of thought. I believe that if the thought of a particular person or event or condition “occurs” to me, it is because at that moment a call for love went out, the Holy Spirit, the Communication Link transmitted it, and I picked it up. If I allow the train of idle thoughts to begin, I have not responded to the call for love.
How can I respond to a call for love when the person has not directly called to me, and when I am not in direct communication with the person? By giving a blessing, I decided. I wasn't sure how to do that, so I am now learning, from the Course and from my inner voice, how and why to give a blessing. It seems so little, just a little change of mind, but if the Course is true--it will heal not only the receiver, but the giver. The thought alone is that powerful.
I hear people say, “All I could do for him was pray.” Yes. As if that alone were not enough--in fact, as if that alone were not the most powerful response to a call for love. To pray for that person is to step out of our “private mind” and join with the Mind of God, which is in touch with that person directly.
“In the holy instant the condition of love is met, for minds are joined without the body's interference, and where there is communication there is peace..” (T 15.XI.7)
What is a blessing?
A blessing is a miracle, a change of perception.
“A miracle is a universal blessing from God through me to all my brothers.” (T 1.I.27)
“The miracle is...a call to the Holy Spirit in [your brother's] mind, a call that is strengthened by joining.” (T 10.IV.7)
Why give blessings?
The first half of the Text and the first half of the Workbook discuss giving blessings because it is imperative for your own salvation (Lesson 39). (T 15.I.13) If you deny a blessing to a brother, you will feel deprived. (T 7.VII.1) When you give a blessing, you are blessed. (T 21.VI.10) (Lesson 58)
“That the miracle may have effects on your brothers that you may not recognize is not your concern. The miracle will always bless you. “ (T 1.III.8)
“When a brother acts insanely, he is offering you an opportunity to bless him. His need is yours. You need the blessing you can offer him. There is no way for you to have it except by giving it. This is the law of God, and it has no exceptions.” (T 7.VII.2)
“When I am healed I am not healed alone. And I would bless my brothers, for I would be healed with them, as they are healed with me.” (Lesson 137)
“You are being blessed by every beneficent thought of any of your brothers anywhere. You should want to bless them in return, out of gratitude.” (T 5.in.3)
The latter half of the Text and of the Workbook expand that healing: Give a blessing, and it will free the world. (T 30.II.4) “The peace of God is shining in you now, and from your heart extends around the world. It pauses to caress each living thing, and leaves a blessing with it that remains forever and forever.... “ (Lesson 188)
As Emmet Fox says: “Bless a thing and it will bless you. Curse it and it will curse you....If you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is troublesome for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it.”
Who is deserving of a blessing?
This is the old, “But what about Hitler?” question again. What if a thought occurs of Hitler or the holocaust, or some equivalent monster from current events? Must I give a blessing then? Yes:
“Ultimately, every member of the family of God must return. The miracle calls him to return because it blesses and honors him, even though he may be absent in spirit.” (T 1.V.4)
“He has not waited until you return your mind to Him to give His Word to you. He has not hid Himself from you, while you have wandered off a little while from Him. He does not cherish the illusions which you hold about yourself. He knows His Son, and wills that he remain as part of Him regardless of his dreams; regardless of his madness that his will is not his own.” (Lesson 125)
“Each one you see you place within the holy circle of Atonement or leave outside, judging him fit for crucifixion or for redemption. If you bring him into the circle of purity, you will rest there with him. If you leave him without, you join him there. Judge not except in quietness which is not of you. Refuse to accept anyone as without the blessing of Atonement, and bring him into it by blessing him.” (T 14.V.11)
If we leave anyone out of the Circle of Atonement, we leave ourselves out as well. The miracle of forgiveness blesses and honors every Child of God, even those who have “wandered off a little while from Him.” Even Hitler. Then it must be, even me.
How do I give a blessing?
I begin by forgiving myself and remembering Who I am. Blessings will become automatic, involuntary, and continuous when I have finally forgiven myself and remember Who I am. At that point, I will “bless everyone and everything I see.” (Lesson 52.5)
How do I forgive myself? By accepting all parts of myself, even those hidden secrets and dark shadows I am ashamed of and reluctant to bring to conscious awareness. “What can it be but universal blessing to look on what your Father loves with charity? Extension of forgiveness is the Holy Spirit's function. Leave this to Him. Let your concern be only that you give to Him that which can be extended. Save no dark secrets that He cannot use, but offer Him the tiny gifts He can extend forever. He will take each one and make of it a potent force for peace.” (T 22.VI.9) We don't need to--in fact cannot--transform our dark secrets. All we need to do is offer them up to the Holy Spirit, for healing.
In the meantime, while I am still allowing self- forgiveness, I can choose to enter into a holy instant with the person by consciously joining my mind with my sister/brother's mind through the Holy Spirit. “Nothing more than just one instant of my love without attack” is all that is necessary, and “in that single instant is all healing done.” (T 27.V.4)
Lesson 137 gives explicit instructions: “We will remember, as the hour strikes, our function is to let our minds be healed, that we may carry healing to the world, exchanging curse for blessing, pain for joy, and separation for the peace of God.” Buy one of those cheap, annoying watches that beeps every hour. When it beeps, stop to remember that my function is to let my mind be healed. If there is a person or situation “on your mind” use that moment to give a blessing.
We give blessings through the Holy Spirit, the Communication Link to God and all our separated siblings. “If you will listen to His Voice you will know that you cannot either hurt or be hurt, and that many need your blessing to help them hear this for themselves. When you perceive only this need in them, and do not respond to any other, you will have learned of me and will be as eager to share your learning as I am.” (T 6.I.19)
Follow a train of thought of your own. Once you know what your ego mind can do with a simple thought of a person or event or circumstance, you can consciously choose to stop the train and get off. Then focus on that person or event or circumstance and bless it. That, I believe, is why the name or image popped into your mind at that exact moment: the Holy Spirit--the non-local Mind--intersected with your mind, and gave you the opportunity to bless at a point where a blessing was needed.
This week, an experience confirmed the truth of this idea for me. Since mid-December the thought of a particular friend had come to mind again and again. He had been my writing teacher for two years of weekly classes in his home. We students took turns reading and critiquing our writing, as did our teacher, so there was plenty of opportunity for defense and projection, as well as for love and acceptance.
I had not seen my teacher for several years nor had I thought of him with any regularity. But now he came to mind often. I decided to avoid the train of thought and give a blessing, one instant of love without attack, every time he came to mind, and I have been doing that for two months.
This week I came back to Portland from the beach to get The Bridge ready for the printer. My “communication link” (Frances) passed on to me two messages that “seemed important,” both from men I didn't know. The first was a man who had been told by Earl, a teacher and healer in Hawaii, that he should get in touch with me when he moved to Portland. Earl said I would help him and teach him. I don't know anyone named Earl. When I called the man, I didn't recognize his teacher in Hawaii, nor could I figure out how his teacher knew my mother's phone number, or knew that I would be a teacher for him.
The second call was from a man who said his friend was in need of healing, and he knew I could help. (What does that have to do with me? I asked myself.) I returned the call. It turned out to be Earl, in Portland for a week, staying with his friend who was in need of healing. Jack and Eulalia Luckett in Hawaii had told Earl about me, and Earl wanted to put me in touch with his friend, who had been so sick he almost died in December. The friend was my writing teacher. Earl didn't know we even knew each other. He put our mutual friend on the phone, and we had a wonderful reunion. He was much better, and was once again writing and teaching.
If I needed confirmation about my new practice of sending a blessing instead of idle thoughts, this was it. I can trust that this is a necessary practice, and that it will bless me as well as those I bless.
Beyond Blessings and Curses
July-August 1997
Responses and reactions to my recent articles on “Blessings” and “Curses” have helped me to clarify my own experience and thinking on the subject. It's an important topic, one I continue to work on, because the Course raises an important question in us:
“How do I respond to a loved one's suffering?”
Some central principles from the Course compound the question. Minds are joined. There are no private thoughts. Sickness is an illusion. True empathy does not join in suffering. We struggle with sorting out all of this and coming up with a “plan of action” for ourselves, particularly when someone we love is seriously ill, mentally ill, or chronically ill. We worry. We are human. Is that a curse? What about the feelings beyond worry, more like dread?
I do not write about this question from a safe distance. My own spiritual healing through the Course, and my miracle of healing from metastasized cancer led me to believe I understood the question, and the answer. Just at that point of clarity, however, my stepson Lee got lung cancer, and nine months later died. My answers were now a pile of smoking rubble. Just before Lee died, my brother Tim was diagnosed with melanoma. We were close. I was with him three years later when he died.
Spirit has worked with me steadily through recent years, and I have never been without guidance and love, even in my darkest moments of unknowing.
One friend, who has experienced years of sorrow and challenge with a child who is ill, wrote:
“I have to call to mind almost constantly your article on worrying/cursing, Judy! It's just so hard not to worry and yet it is what is needed by all of us. Of course, at first I took extreme issue with that Bridge article and wasted a lot of time thinking up exceptions to that rule! Although there probably are some, my strong reaction finally got my higher attention.”
Of course one worries! Worry, concern, and anxiety are expressions of our love for someone--but they are somewhat distorted expressions of love, or they wouldn't be so exhausting. And at the same time, she is open to see her strong reactions as an invitation to heal, once again, an ancient loss.
And of course, there are exceptions. I am not writing a set of rules--it is just my experience and my interpretation, unique to me. If some of it rings bells of recognition in your own head, then that is what it is for. It's not the Course. Furthermore, there is no one “best” way to study or to interpret the Course. My most profound learnings have come not from The Book, but from my personal, inner experience and from my outer experience in the world. Years of intense study of the Course encouraged me to listen within for guidance, and prepared me for the experiences that would be my most vivid teacher.
Another letter from a friend, Debbie Clay:
“The article stated that a curse is a form of attack, and then went on to say that a curse is subtly given when we worry or are anxious or concerned about another. I found this topic intriguing. But I do not feel it is a simple one. Suppose a dear friend or loved one is seriously ill. There is obviously a difference between pointlessly worrying over them and merely being concerned enough to visit them, offer assistance, etc. Reading the article, someone could say, 'Well, if I am 'cursing' my friend/loved one to be concerned about them, how should I approach this in the correct way?” If to be concerned about another is denying their divinity, should we practice detachment about our feelings for others to the point of releasing all sense of passion? All sense of caring?…This topic interests me because I have a friend who is a Zen Buddhist. He practices detachment, and he does it well. He does it so well that sometimes I wonder if he feels much of anything anymore (beyond his own discomforts/pleasures). Where is the line between healthy concern for another's well-being and a 'curse'?”
I am still learning the lessons Lee and Tim taught me. I tried to be “detached” when they suffered, I wanted to be detached from their suffering. I found it to be humanly impossible. To me, “detachment” is different from “not being attached” which to me means not being attached to a particular outcome--not avoidance or denial, and especially not indifference to another's suffering.
If there is a “correct way” to approach the suffering of a loved one, I don't know what it is. Being with Lee and then Tim, I learned the hard way. I worried, and experienced dread. Total exhaustion at the end told me I still had a lot to learn and a lot to heal, which my retreat at the beach has facilitated. But the truth is, I can't be pious about this. I fumbled along in the dark, sometimes brilliantly guided and certain, sometimes simply dumb. Frankly, the words in the Course were of little comfort to me much of the time. I could not make the miracle I wanted for Lee or for Tim. It was not comforting, either, to have someone remind me that a miracle is merely a change of perception, because my broken heart could not change its perception about the suffering I could see but could not ease.
And yet, I could ease it, and often did. My words did not help, my worry did not help. My thinking and teaching did not help. But when I was able to stay centered in my own divine Self, move the person from my head to my heart, and recognize I could only know what to do by asking within for guidance--those times led to the most blessed joining with my loved one. I did not feel drained or exhausted, and in fact the joining that happened during those times left me feeling joyful rather than sorrowful. Worry and dread were redeemed in those moments of joining in simple love and joy.
Stay Centered in Your Divine Self
We did a demonstration once in a class where we tested the muscle strength of a person by pushing down on the wrist of her extended arm. Then everyone in the group concentrated on pouring energy into the person. Afterward, we again tested her arm. It collapsed immediately, actually weaker now than before. Next, we concentrated on keeping our own energy whole and intact, while seeing the Divine Presence whole and intact in that person. Testing her muscle strength again, we found her arm solid and unmoving no matter how hard we pushed down.
Our outpouring of energy, with the intent to fix or shore up a “weak” person, had the effect of further weakening the person. But our centering within ourselves, while seeing the Light within the other person, actually strengthened her.
I was sometimes able to do this, sometimes not. There were many times when my ego-brain was so involved that my mental activity was an inner wailing, a pushing, an insistence on a particular outcome--my outcome, the one I wanted, healing and survival of these physical beings that I loved. Yes, I was attached. Pouring myself out, wanting a particular outcome, left me exhausted, my light flickering.
But, I noticed, there was a way to be present without exhaustion. It was to stay out of my thinking-ego-mind, open myself to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, my own Higher Self, and bring myself and the sufferer into my heart.
Recognize You Do Not Know
“…Whenever you think you know, peace will depart from you, because you have abandoned the Teacher of peace. Whenever you fully realize that you know not, peace will return, for you will have invited Him to do so by abandoning the ego on behalf of Him. Call not upon the ego for anything; it is only this that you need do. The Holy Spirit will, of Himself, fill every mind that so makes room for Him.” (T 14.XI.13)
“Not knowing”, surrendering to the great Mystery, makes room in the mind which the Holy Spirit will fill. It means, when in a confusing or difficult situation, I can simply stop and ask for direction.
I often had to do that--give up my busy efficient “helper” mode and simply ask, “What should I do for him, Your holy Son?” (Song of Prayer, 2.III.5) Sometimes it was clear that the most helpful thing to do was send loving blessings, holding him in my heart. Other times, I was literally pulled up off my couch late at night and pushed to the hospital, where I would find a need for my simple presence. Very often, as Tim said to me once, it was “Shut up. And don't leave.”
So often I longed to be able to do something more “helpful” for Lee or for Tim (which to me meant, “helpful in achieving the outcome I want”) than the mundane things I was asked to do. I wanted to heal them both, keep them alive for me and for their young families. That was not the plan. Instead, what was most helpful was to baby-sit, drive when they no longer could, sit nearby and be quiet, give a Reiki treatment, listen, cook, show up when it was scary--such gestures sometimes seemed like far too little.
Move from Head to Heart
The most important lesson I learned was this: my suffering brother is safer in my heart than in my head.
When I hold a suffering brother in my head--my ego-mind, what a friend calls the “squirrel brain”--I worry. I recall past catastrophes, spin future scenarios, try to fix blame, quote the Course to myself, and most of all, separate. The ego-mind is in the past and future. The heart is in the Now. The ego-mind separates us into the Sufferer (you) and the Worrier (me). The heart joins with the person where they are.
It seems safer to distance myself from the suffering by thinking about it, which means…worry about it. But it isn't safer, for me or for my brother. It seems as if I can circle around the pain by worrying instead of feeling it. But the times when I dared to shift my brother from my head to my heart, I discovered something miraculous: when pain is experienced rather than resisted, it makes room for joy. I could do an actual physical shift--I would see myself taking hold of the person I worried about and actually moving him from my head to my heart, where I would tuck him safely into that loving space. While the ego-mind can only worry or dread, the heart can only love.
In that heart-space, I could no longer think about my brother's suffering. Now I could actually feel it, sometimes as physical pain in my own body. This cascading of love from an open heart without thoughts opened me to a fuller awareness of his pain. During times of his deepest anguish, I could do nothing but join in suffering. When I was able to do that from my heart rather than my head, the pain was greater. But it always led to a release, pain replaced by the joy of joining. Joining in the release from pain led to the tenderest of moments with my brother.
Not happiness, but the quiet joy of joining. Not contentment, but acceptance of what is. For the moment. Until I reeled back to ego-mind and again experienced oh-so-human emotions of concern, anxiety, bafflement, desperation, frustration, exhaustion, heartache and worry.
If I am holding you in my mind, there is worry. If I am holding you in my heart, there may be sorrow or compassion, but not worry. From my heart I don't have a reaction (always of ego) to suffering. Instead, I have a response (always of the Holy Spirit, the Higher Self), which is an overflowing, an outpouring of love and joining. The heart doesn't see anything to do, except respond to a call for love by giving love.
So, Debbie, yes, I believe that we can respond to a call for love by giving love in a concrete form. Never discount pillow-fluffing as a form of response. And never, never discount the blessings of simple prayer--prayer for your own peace and for the peace and well-being of your brother. If we are always asking, “What should I do for him, Your holy Son?” we will hear what to do, and what to say, and when. It will be precisely what is needed in the moment. When I keep my own peace and my own light, ask for guidance as to what, if anything, to do, and hold my brother in my heart instead of my thinking-ego-brain, he is safe with me. In that moment, all my times of frustration, worry and dread are retroactively healed, leaving no effect on myself or my brother.
Thank you, my friends who responded to my writing on this subject. It has helped me to begin to see this: even though I was sometimes a total “failure” in responding to calls for love--times when I worried and fretted and relied on my own will and desired outcomes--there were also times when I did it well, times when I was able to let go, and to say in complete surrender: “I do not know what anything, including this, means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learning as the light to guide me now.” (T 14.XI.6.7)
I can now see that those were the times when I was truly helpful.
March-April 1997
My thoughts are private
My thoughts have no power
My thoughts are involuntary
Recognize these beliefs? These are the beliefs that hold our made-up world together--the shared idea of separateness and powerlessness.
The Course does not support these beliefs. In fact, the Course says the opposite:
Minds are joined
Thought and belief combine into a power surge that can literally move mountains
You are much too tolerant of mind wandering
Although I believe this, I tend to exclude my “idle” thoughts. Surely they are private and without effect!
No.
“Few appreciate the real power of the mind, and no one remains fully aware of it all the time. However, if you hope to spare yourself from fear there are some things you must realize, and realize fully. The mind is very powerful, and never loses its creative force. It never sleeps. Every instant it is creating. It is hard to recognize that thought and belief combine into a power surge that can literally move mountains. It appears at first glance that to believe such power about yourself is arrogant, but that is not the real reason you do not believe it. You prefer to believe that your thoughts cannot exert real influence because you are actually afraid of them. This may allay awareness of the guilt, but at the cost of perceiving the mind as impotent. If you believe that what you think is ineffectual you may cease to be afraid of it, but you are hardly likely to respect it. There are no idle thoughts. All thinking produces form at some level.” (T 2.VI.9)
Now, this idea does produce fear in me! I clearly recall one of those “life-changing moments” when I was about eight years old. I can see vividly where I was at the time, walking home from Presbyterian Sunday School. I was a quarter of a mile from home when my immature mind grasped a verse I had heard that day that “to deny God is to commit the unforgivable sin.” I wasn't sure what it meant to “deny God” but I was suddenly gripped by a horrible fear: What if I had denied God accidentally, before I knew it was an unforgivable sin, and now I was already condemned to hell forever no matter how “good” I might be from here on out! What if my wild thoughts somehow denied God without my intending to, because now that I knew it was an unforgivable sin it was like being told NOT to think of a blue monkey no matter what, and then trying NOT to think of a blue monkey!
The idea of fear had been introduced into my mind, and a fearful image of God took form. I recall going through the reasoning described in the above paragraph from the Text, first being afraid of my thoughts, then deciding that they couldn't be that powerful. This did allay my fear somewhat. What saved me was an idea I had absorbed from my mother--the suspicion that maybe the idea of “unforgivable sin” wasn't true anyway, maybe there was no literal hell, maybe God wasn't like that.
To now accept the idea that my mind is very powerful and that “all thinking produces form” takes me back to that innocent little girl's fear. What if my thoughts of anger or hatred in the past have hurt someone? What if my fear of something happening has caused that very thing to happen? What if I am not vigilant about my thoughts at every moment, and a stray thought gets away from me and causes havoc in my own or someone else's life?
In the last few months I have again become more vigilant in watching my thoughts. A healed mind, in my opinion, is a mind that no longer believes its thoughts are involuntary, or that they have no effect. A healed mind, furthermore, doesn't harbor guilt for its thoughts that may have caused harm. A healed mind recognizes the ego's attempts to convince it that harm is real and permanent. A healed mind knows this: “When you perform a miracle, I will arrange both time and space to adjust to it.” (T 2.V.A.11.1)
This means to me that when I invite the Holy Spirit to help me, and a miracle--a change of mind--occurs, retroactive healing takes place and erases all effects of miscreative thinking in the past. Retroactive healing. It means that yes, I am responsible for my thoughts and the harm they cause, and yes, any “harm” in the past can be erased in the present.
Here is another passage from the Course that, taken out of context, can cause old fear and new guilt to come up in my mind:
“This is the only thing that you need do for vision, happiness, release from pain and the complete escape from sin, all to be given you. Say only this, but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:
I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” (T 21.II.2)
I am responsible for everything that happens to me? I ask for it? But just as I begin to reject that possibility, I read on: “Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done to you. Acknowledge but that you have been mistaken, and all effects of your mistakes will disappear.” Again, retroactive healing. Time and space rearranged so that harm that seemed to have been done disappears.
On sabbatical, I have the quietness and time to watch my thoughts much of the time. I have noticed an interesting pattern: a “random” thought of a person, event, or condition, from the past, present, or future, will occur. And if I am willing to entertain idle thoughts, my mind jumps on a “train of thought” and takes off. The thought of a person will come to mind, and I have a whole palette of memories, speculations, judgments, and worries about that person, some of it pleasant, some of it painful.
But minds are joined. There are no private thoughts. Knowing this, I have begun a practice which does take practice --I believe it is what the Course advises us to do: I change the idle thoughts to a blessing. I get off the train of thought. I believe that if the thought of a particular person or event or condition “occurs” to me, it is because at that moment a call for love went out, the Holy Spirit, the Communication Link transmitted it, and I picked it up. If I allow the train of idle thoughts to begin, I have not responded to the call for love.
How can I respond to a call for love when the person has not directly called to me, and when I am not in direct communication with the person? By giving a blessing, I decided. I wasn't sure how to do that, so I am now learning, from the Course and from my inner voice, how and why to give a blessing. It seems so little, just a little change of mind, but if the Course is true--it will heal not only the receiver, but the giver. The thought alone is that powerful.
I hear people say, “All I could do for him was pray.” Yes. As if that alone were not enough--in fact, as if that alone were not the most powerful response to a call for love. To pray for that person is to step out of our “private mind” and join with the Mind of God, which is in touch with that person directly.
“In the holy instant the condition of love is met, for minds are joined without the body's interference, and where there is communication there is peace..” (T 15.XI.7)
What is a blessing?
A blessing is a miracle, a change of perception.
“A miracle is a universal blessing from God through me to all my brothers.” (T 1.I.27)
“The miracle is...a call to the Holy Spirit in [your brother's] mind, a call that is strengthened by joining.” (T 10.IV.7)
Why give blessings?
The first half of the Text and the first half of the Workbook discuss giving blessings because it is imperative for your own salvation (Lesson 39). (T 15.I.13) If you deny a blessing to a brother, you will feel deprived. (T 7.VII.1) When you give a blessing, you are blessed. (T 21.VI.10) (Lesson 58)
“That the miracle may have effects on your brothers that you may not recognize is not your concern. The miracle will always bless you. “ (T 1.III.8)
“When a brother acts insanely, he is offering you an opportunity to bless him. His need is yours. You need the blessing you can offer him. There is no way for you to have it except by giving it. This is the law of God, and it has no exceptions.” (T 7.VII.2)
“When I am healed I am not healed alone. And I would bless my brothers, for I would be healed with them, as they are healed with me.” (Lesson 137)
“You are being blessed by every beneficent thought of any of your brothers anywhere. You should want to bless them in return, out of gratitude.” (T 5.in.3)
The latter half of the Text and of the Workbook expand that healing: Give a blessing, and it will free the world. (T 30.II.4) “The peace of God is shining in you now, and from your heart extends around the world. It pauses to caress each living thing, and leaves a blessing with it that remains forever and forever.... “ (Lesson 188)
As Emmet Fox says: “Bless a thing and it will bless you. Curse it and it will curse you....If you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is troublesome for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it.”
Who is deserving of a blessing?
This is the old, “But what about Hitler?” question again. What if a thought occurs of Hitler or the holocaust, or some equivalent monster from current events? Must I give a blessing then? Yes:
“Ultimately, every member of the family of God must return. The miracle calls him to return because it blesses and honors him, even though he may be absent in spirit.” (T 1.V.4)
“He has not waited until you return your mind to Him to give His Word to you. He has not hid Himself from you, while you have wandered off a little while from Him. He does not cherish the illusions which you hold about yourself. He knows His Son, and wills that he remain as part of Him regardless of his dreams; regardless of his madness that his will is not his own.” (Lesson 125)
“Each one you see you place within the holy circle of Atonement or leave outside, judging him fit for crucifixion or for redemption. If you bring him into the circle of purity, you will rest there with him. If you leave him without, you join him there. Judge not except in quietness which is not of you. Refuse to accept anyone as without the blessing of Atonement, and bring him into it by blessing him.” (T 14.V.11)
If we leave anyone out of the Circle of Atonement, we leave ourselves out as well. The miracle of forgiveness blesses and honors every Child of God, even those who have “wandered off a little while from Him.” Even Hitler. Then it must be, even me.
How do I give a blessing?
I begin by forgiving myself and remembering Who I am. Blessings will become automatic, involuntary, and continuous when I have finally forgiven myself and remember Who I am. At that point, I will “bless everyone and everything I see.” (Lesson 52.5)
How do I forgive myself? By accepting all parts of myself, even those hidden secrets and dark shadows I am ashamed of and reluctant to bring to conscious awareness. “What can it be but universal blessing to look on what your Father loves with charity? Extension of forgiveness is the Holy Spirit's function. Leave this to Him. Let your concern be only that you give to Him that which can be extended. Save no dark secrets that He cannot use, but offer Him the tiny gifts He can extend forever. He will take each one and make of it a potent force for peace.” (T 22.VI.9) We don't need to--in fact cannot--transform our dark secrets. All we need to do is offer them up to the Holy Spirit, for healing.
In the meantime, while I am still allowing self- forgiveness, I can choose to enter into a holy instant with the person by consciously joining my mind with my sister/brother's mind through the Holy Spirit. “Nothing more than just one instant of my love without attack” is all that is necessary, and “in that single instant is all healing done.” (T 27.V.4)
Lesson 137 gives explicit instructions: “We will remember, as the hour strikes, our function is to let our minds be healed, that we may carry healing to the world, exchanging curse for blessing, pain for joy, and separation for the peace of God.” Buy one of those cheap, annoying watches that beeps every hour. When it beeps, stop to remember that my function is to let my mind be healed. If there is a person or situation “on your mind” use that moment to give a blessing.
We give blessings through the Holy Spirit, the Communication Link to God and all our separated siblings. “If you will listen to His Voice you will know that you cannot either hurt or be hurt, and that many need your blessing to help them hear this for themselves. When you perceive only this need in them, and do not respond to any other, you will have learned of me and will be as eager to share your learning as I am.” (T 6.I.19)
Follow a train of thought of your own. Once you know what your ego mind can do with a simple thought of a person or event or circumstance, you can consciously choose to stop the train and get off. Then focus on that person or event or circumstance and bless it. That, I believe, is why the name or image popped into your mind at that exact moment: the Holy Spirit--the non-local Mind--intersected with your mind, and gave you the opportunity to bless at a point where a blessing was needed.
This week, an experience confirmed the truth of this idea for me. Since mid-December the thought of a particular friend had come to mind again and again. He had been my writing teacher for two years of weekly classes in his home. We students took turns reading and critiquing our writing, as did our teacher, so there was plenty of opportunity for defense and projection, as well as for love and acceptance.
I had not seen my teacher for several years nor had I thought of him with any regularity. But now he came to mind often. I decided to avoid the train of thought and give a blessing, one instant of love without attack, every time he came to mind, and I have been doing that for two months.
This week I came back to Portland from the beach to get The Bridge ready for the printer. My “communication link” (Frances) passed on to me two messages that “seemed important,” both from men I didn't know. The first was a man who had been told by Earl, a teacher and healer in Hawaii, that he should get in touch with me when he moved to Portland. Earl said I would help him and teach him. I don't know anyone named Earl. When I called the man, I didn't recognize his teacher in Hawaii, nor could I figure out how his teacher knew my mother's phone number, or knew that I would be a teacher for him.
The second call was from a man who said his friend was in need of healing, and he knew I could help. (What does that have to do with me? I asked myself.) I returned the call. It turned out to be Earl, in Portland for a week, staying with his friend who was in need of healing. Jack and Eulalia Luckett in Hawaii had told Earl about me, and Earl wanted to put me in touch with his friend, who had been so sick he almost died in December. The friend was my writing teacher. Earl didn't know we even knew each other. He put our mutual friend on the phone, and we had a wonderful reunion. He was much better, and was once again writing and teaching.
If I needed confirmation about my new practice of sending a blessing instead of idle thoughts, this was it. I can trust that this is a necessary practice, and that it will bless me as well as those I bless.
Beyond Blessings and Curses
July-August 1997
Responses and reactions to my recent articles on “Blessings” and “Curses” have helped me to clarify my own experience and thinking on the subject. It's an important topic, one I continue to work on, because the Course raises an important question in us:
“How do I respond to a loved one's suffering?”
Some central principles from the Course compound the question. Minds are joined. There are no private thoughts. Sickness is an illusion. True empathy does not join in suffering. We struggle with sorting out all of this and coming up with a “plan of action” for ourselves, particularly when someone we love is seriously ill, mentally ill, or chronically ill. We worry. We are human. Is that a curse? What about the feelings beyond worry, more like dread?
I do not write about this question from a safe distance. My own spiritual healing through the Course, and my miracle of healing from metastasized cancer led me to believe I understood the question, and the answer. Just at that point of clarity, however, my stepson Lee got lung cancer, and nine months later died. My answers were now a pile of smoking rubble. Just before Lee died, my brother Tim was diagnosed with melanoma. We were close. I was with him three years later when he died.
Spirit has worked with me steadily through recent years, and I have never been without guidance and love, even in my darkest moments of unknowing.
One friend, who has experienced years of sorrow and challenge with a child who is ill, wrote:
“I have to call to mind almost constantly your article on worrying/cursing, Judy! It's just so hard not to worry and yet it is what is needed by all of us. Of course, at first I took extreme issue with that Bridge article and wasted a lot of time thinking up exceptions to that rule! Although there probably are some, my strong reaction finally got my higher attention.”
Of course one worries! Worry, concern, and anxiety are expressions of our love for someone--but they are somewhat distorted expressions of love, or they wouldn't be so exhausting. And at the same time, she is open to see her strong reactions as an invitation to heal, once again, an ancient loss.
And of course, there are exceptions. I am not writing a set of rules--it is just my experience and my interpretation, unique to me. If some of it rings bells of recognition in your own head, then that is what it is for. It's not the Course. Furthermore, there is no one “best” way to study or to interpret the Course. My most profound learnings have come not from The Book, but from my personal, inner experience and from my outer experience in the world. Years of intense study of the Course encouraged me to listen within for guidance, and prepared me for the experiences that would be my most vivid teacher.
Another letter from a friend, Debbie Clay:
“The article stated that a curse is a form of attack, and then went on to say that a curse is subtly given when we worry or are anxious or concerned about another. I found this topic intriguing. But I do not feel it is a simple one. Suppose a dear friend or loved one is seriously ill. There is obviously a difference between pointlessly worrying over them and merely being concerned enough to visit them, offer assistance, etc. Reading the article, someone could say, 'Well, if I am 'cursing' my friend/loved one to be concerned about them, how should I approach this in the correct way?” If to be concerned about another is denying their divinity, should we practice detachment about our feelings for others to the point of releasing all sense of passion? All sense of caring?…This topic interests me because I have a friend who is a Zen Buddhist. He practices detachment, and he does it well. He does it so well that sometimes I wonder if he feels much of anything anymore (beyond his own discomforts/pleasures). Where is the line between healthy concern for another's well-being and a 'curse'?”
I am still learning the lessons Lee and Tim taught me. I tried to be “detached” when they suffered, I wanted to be detached from their suffering. I found it to be humanly impossible. To me, “detachment” is different from “not being attached” which to me means not being attached to a particular outcome--not avoidance or denial, and especially not indifference to another's suffering.
If there is a “correct way” to approach the suffering of a loved one, I don't know what it is. Being with Lee and then Tim, I learned the hard way. I worried, and experienced dread. Total exhaustion at the end told me I still had a lot to learn and a lot to heal, which my retreat at the beach has facilitated. But the truth is, I can't be pious about this. I fumbled along in the dark, sometimes brilliantly guided and certain, sometimes simply dumb. Frankly, the words in the Course were of little comfort to me much of the time. I could not make the miracle I wanted for Lee or for Tim. It was not comforting, either, to have someone remind me that a miracle is merely a change of perception, because my broken heart could not change its perception about the suffering I could see but could not ease.
And yet, I could ease it, and often did. My words did not help, my worry did not help. My thinking and teaching did not help. But when I was able to stay centered in my own divine Self, move the person from my head to my heart, and recognize I could only know what to do by asking within for guidance--those times led to the most blessed joining with my loved one. I did not feel drained or exhausted, and in fact the joining that happened during those times left me feeling joyful rather than sorrowful. Worry and dread were redeemed in those moments of joining in simple love and joy.
Stay Centered in Your Divine Self
We did a demonstration once in a class where we tested the muscle strength of a person by pushing down on the wrist of her extended arm. Then everyone in the group concentrated on pouring energy into the person. Afterward, we again tested her arm. It collapsed immediately, actually weaker now than before. Next, we concentrated on keeping our own energy whole and intact, while seeing the Divine Presence whole and intact in that person. Testing her muscle strength again, we found her arm solid and unmoving no matter how hard we pushed down.
Our outpouring of energy, with the intent to fix or shore up a “weak” person, had the effect of further weakening the person. But our centering within ourselves, while seeing the Light within the other person, actually strengthened her.
I was sometimes able to do this, sometimes not. There were many times when my ego-brain was so involved that my mental activity was an inner wailing, a pushing, an insistence on a particular outcome--my outcome, the one I wanted, healing and survival of these physical beings that I loved. Yes, I was attached. Pouring myself out, wanting a particular outcome, left me exhausted, my light flickering.
But, I noticed, there was a way to be present without exhaustion. It was to stay out of my thinking-ego-mind, open myself to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, my own Higher Self, and bring myself and the sufferer into my heart.
Recognize You Do Not Know
“…Whenever you think you know, peace will depart from you, because you have abandoned the Teacher of peace. Whenever you fully realize that you know not, peace will return, for you will have invited Him to do so by abandoning the ego on behalf of Him. Call not upon the ego for anything; it is only this that you need do. The Holy Spirit will, of Himself, fill every mind that so makes room for Him.” (T 14.XI.13)
“Not knowing”, surrendering to the great Mystery, makes room in the mind which the Holy Spirit will fill. It means, when in a confusing or difficult situation, I can simply stop and ask for direction.
I often had to do that--give up my busy efficient “helper” mode and simply ask, “What should I do for him, Your holy Son?” (Song of Prayer, 2.III.5) Sometimes it was clear that the most helpful thing to do was send loving blessings, holding him in my heart. Other times, I was literally pulled up off my couch late at night and pushed to the hospital, where I would find a need for my simple presence. Very often, as Tim said to me once, it was “Shut up. And don't leave.”
So often I longed to be able to do something more “helpful” for Lee or for Tim (which to me meant, “helpful in achieving the outcome I want”) than the mundane things I was asked to do. I wanted to heal them both, keep them alive for me and for their young families. That was not the plan. Instead, what was most helpful was to baby-sit, drive when they no longer could, sit nearby and be quiet, give a Reiki treatment, listen, cook, show up when it was scary--such gestures sometimes seemed like far too little.
Move from Head to Heart
The most important lesson I learned was this: my suffering brother is safer in my heart than in my head.
When I hold a suffering brother in my head--my ego-mind, what a friend calls the “squirrel brain”--I worry. I recall past catastrophes, spin future scenarios, try to fix blame, quote the Course to myself, and most of all, separate. The ego-mind is in the past and future. The heart is in the Now. The ego-mind separates us into the Sufferer (you) and the Worrier (me). The heart joins with the person where they are.
It seems safer to distance myself from the suffering by thinking about it, which means…worry about it. But it isn't safer, for me or for my brother. It seems as if I can circle around the pain by worrying instead of feeling it. But the times when I dared to shift my brother from my head to my heart, I discovered something miraculous: when pain is experienced rather than resisted, it makes room for joy. I could do an actual physical shift--I would see myself taking hold of the person I worried about and actually moving him from my head to my heart, where I would tuck him safely into that loving space. While the ego-mind can only worry or dread, the heart can only love.
In that heart-space, I could no longer think about my brother's suffering. Now I could actually feel it, sometimes as physical pain in my own body. This cascading of love from an open heart without thoughts opened me to a fuller awareness of his pain. During times of his deepest anguish, I could do nothing but join in suffering. When I was able to do that from my heart rather than my head, the pain was greater. But it always led to a release, pain replaced by the joy of joining. Joining in the release from pain led to the tenderest of moments with my brother.
Not happiness, but the quiet joy of joining. Not contentment, but acceptance of what is. For the moment. Until I reeled back to ego-mind and again experienced oh-so-human emotions of concern, anxiety, bafflement, desperation, frustration, exhaustion, heartache and worry.
If I am holding you in my mind, there is worry. If I am holding you in my heart, there may be sorrow or compassion, but not worry. From my heart I don't have a reaction (always of ego) to suffering. Instead, I have a response (always of the Holy Spirit, the Higher Self), which is an overflowing, an outpouring of love and joining. The heart doesn't see anything to do, except respond to a call for love by giving love.
So, Debbie, yes, I believe that we can respond to a call for love by giving love in a concrete form. Never discount pillow-fluffing as a form of response. And never, never discount the blessings of simple prayer--prayer for your own peace and for the peace and well-being of your brother. If we are always asking, “What should I do for him, Your holy Son?” we will hear what to do, and what to say, and when. It will be precisely what is needed in the moment. When I keep my own peace and my own light, ask for guidance as to what, if anything, to do, and hold my brother in my heart instead of my thinking-ego-brain, he is safe with me. In that moment, all my times of frustration, worry and dread are retroactively healed, leaving no effect on myself or my brother.
Thank you, my friends who responded to my writing on this subject. It has helped me to begin to see this: even though I was sometimes a total “failure” in responding to calls for love--times when I worried and fretted and relied on my own will and desired outcomes--there were also times when I did it well, times when I was able to let go, and to say in complete surrender: “I do not know what anything, including this, means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learning as the light to guide me now.” (T 14.XI.6.7)
I can now see that those were the times when I was truly helpful.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A COURSE IN MIRACLES
TODAY I BEGIN TO ADD ESSAYS FROM MY YEARS AS A COURSE IN MIRACLES TEACHER, as well as others on other topics. I'll use a prefix and a label (ACIM:) for those articles, so if you're interested, you can find them, and if you're not, not.
All were probably written between 1985-2004, for the monthly newsletter I edited and published for the Center for A Course in Miracles in Portland, Oregon, the Center my mother, Frances Reed, established in 1985 (it's still there, though we're not!). Those were the years of my most intense study and teaching of the Course, after my healing from metastatic cancer. My spiritual path has moved on and diverged, while never losing the teachings of the Course, now permanently embedded in my consciousness.
Here's the first one.
ACIM: Potholes and Pitfalls
by Judy Allen
In the years of my devotion to the Course I have witnessed my own stages of development, and also a number of potholes and pitfalls in my experience. I write this not to "save" others from falling into them, but to join with others who have had or will have the same experience, in laughter and love.
At a recent retreat at the Trappist Abbey, Brother Mark pointed out a framed quote in the meditation room: "God, Whose Love and Joy are present everywhere, can't come to visit you unless you aren't there. A. Silesius." I wondered about this. I don't have to be there? But then I realized...my ego can't be there. God can't come to visit me unless my ego is absent.
And there is pothole #1. We try to throw the ego out, so God can visit. In fact, it's a big relief to imagine that we can throw the ego out, because we don't approve of much of what it is responsible for. There are some guilty secrets, some character flaws, and some fierce grievances that we'd just as soon bury. Then there will be space for God to visit, right?
Wrong. We can't really throw out the ego without looking at what it is we are throwing out. Until we know and accept all parts of ourselves without judgment and disapproval, we can't "give ourselves up." If we gathered up everything in the closet and gave it to Goodwill, without looking at what was in there, we would be likely to go shopping at Goodwill in the future, and find several outfits that we really like. And buy them back.
The Text, Chapter 13 Section III, "The Fear of Redemption", addresses this very well:
"You may wonder why it is so crucial that you look upon your hatred and realize its full extent. You may also think that it would be easy enough for the Holy Spirit to show it to you, and to dispel it without the need for you to raise it to awareness yourself...Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego's foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you."
In the Introduction to A Course in Miracles, we are told
"The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance."
The "blocks to the awareness of love's presence" are the many forms of fear locked in our subconscious mind, covering up the love that is our natural inheritance. We are afraid to listen to the Voice of Love, afraid that it, too, will tell us of our guilt and darkness. By becoming aware of our blocks and choosing to challenge our beliefs we can uncover the beauty of our true essence, which is love.
In other words, allow the thing within myself that I have judged as "not acceptable" to come into my awareness, look at it clear-eyed and without judgment, and ask the Holy Spirit to release it for me.
Pothole #2 is that old "body" thing again. Long-time students of the Course love to argue about whether or not we have a body, are a body, or merely imagine that such a thing could even exist. Especially if my body is experiencing illness, pain, or disability of any kind, it is very tempting to just ignore it totally, saying "I am not a body," and view our physical selves as entirely illusory and non-existent. This may be particularly true for some who have experienced physical abuse as a child and "left" their bodies in order to survive. They may have a particularly hard time as adults even being willing to stay grounded within their physical body.
But the Course is written to connect with the split mind, the mind that needs to be healed in order to perceive Truly. "I am not a body" does not deny that we have bodies, or at least perceive ourselves in that way. As I experience this world now, the Holy Spirit is helping me to wake up by using my every distorted perception of the Kingdom of Heaven as a teaching device. Even my body, which identifies me perfectly as a recognizable Child of God--with skin on.
While I seem to exist in this world, I see suffering, in myself and others. How can I deal with that, if I perceive bodies as non-existent? I can extend love to my body, and to the bodies of others, while choosing to see only spirit...
"But choose the spirit [over flesh] and all Heaven bends to touch your eyes and bless your holy sight, that you may see the world of flesh no more except to heal and comfort and to bless." (T-31.VI.1:8)
That is the purpose I see for bodies here--to heal and comfort and bless.
All were probably written between 1985-2004, for the monthly newsletter I edited and published for the Center for A Course in Miracles in Portland, Oregon, the Center my mother, Frances Reed, established in 1985 (it's still there, though we're not!). Those were the years of my most intense study and teaching of the Course, after my healing from metastatic cancer. My spiritual path has moved on and diverged, while never losing the teachings of the Course, now permanently embedded in my consciousness.
Here's the first one.
ACIM: Potholes and Pitfalls
by Judy Allen
In the years of my devotion to the Course I have witnessed my own stages of development, and also a number of potholes and pitfalls in my experience. I write this not to "save" others from falling into them, but to join with others who have had or will have the same experience, in laughter and love.
At a recent retreat at the Trappist Abbey, Brother Mark pointed out a framed quote in the meditation room: "God, Whose Love and Joy are present everywhere, can't come to visit you unless you aren't there. A. Silesius." I wondered about this. I don't have to be there? But then I realized...my ego can't be there. God can't come to visit me unless my ego is absent.
And there is pothole #1. We try to throw the ego out, so God can visit. In fact, it's a big relief to imagine that we can throw the ego out, because we don't approve of much of what it is responsible for. There are some guilty secrets, some character flaws, and some fierce grievances that we'd just as soon bury. Then there will be space for God to visit, right?
Wrong. We can't really throw out the ego without looking at what it is we are throwing out. Until we know and accept all parts of ourselves without judgment and disapproval, we can't "give ourselves up." If we gathered up everything in the closet and gave it to Goodwill, without looking at what was in there, we would be likely to go shopping at Goodwill in the future, and find several outfits that we really like. And buy them back.
The Text, Chapter 13 Section III, "The Fear of Redemption", addresses this very well:
"You may wonder why it is so crucial that you look upon your hatred and realize its full extent. You may also think that it would be easy enough for the Holy Spirit to show it to you, and to dispel it without the need for you to raise it to awareness yourself...Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego's foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you."
In the Introduction to A Course in Miracles, we are told
"The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance."
The "blocks to the awareness of love's presence" are the many forms of fear locked in our subconscious mind, covering up the love that is our natural inheritance. We are afraid to listen to the Voice of Love, afraid that it, too, will tell us of our guilt and darkness. By becoming aware of our blocks and choosing to challenge our beliefs we can uncover the beauty of our true essence, which is love.
In other words, allow the thing within myself that I have judged as "not acceptable" to come into my awareness, look at it clear-eyed and without judgment, and ask the Holy Spirit to release it for me.
Pothole #2 is that old "body" thing again. Long-time students of the Course love to argue about whether or not we have a body, are a body, or merely imagine that such a thing could even exist. Especially if my body is experiencing illness, pain, or disability of any kind, it is very tempting to just ignore it totally, saying "I am not a body," and view our physical selves as entirely illusory and non-existent. This may be particularly true for some who have experienced physical abuse as a child and "left" their bodies in order to survive. They may have a particularly hard time as adults even being willing to stay grounded within their physical body.
But the Course is written to connect with the split mind, the mind that needs to be healed in order to perceive Truly. "I am not a body" does not deny that we have bodies, or at least perceive ourselves in that way. As I experience this world now, the Holy Spirit is helping me to wake up by using my every distorted perception of the Kingdom of Heaven as a teaching device. Even my body, which identifies me perfectly as a recognizable Child of God--with skin on.
While I seem to exist in this world, I see suffering, in myself and others. How can I deal with that, if I perceive bodies as non-existent? I can extend love to my body, and to the bodies of others, while choosing to see only spirit...
"But choose the spirit [over flesh] and all Heaven bends to touch your eyes and bless your holy sight, that you may see the world of flesh no more except to heal and comfort and to bless." (T-31.VI.1:8)
That is the purpose I see for bodies here--to heal and comfort and bless.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
WORDS
I’ve always been fascinated with correct pronunciation of difficult words. I look them up in my huge unabridged Random House Dictionary.
Humiliation is a familiar feeling to a person who learns words by reading rather than by hearing them in conversation. The first time I was humiliated for pronouncing a word wrong was when I asked Dad why he didn’t get some MAN-ure to use as fertilizer. He puzzled over it for a minute, then gently explained that man-OOR was what he shoveled up in the barn and dumped onto the farm crops. But he couldn’t conceal his amusement.
Spelling can be another source of humiliation for a word lover. I nearly won the county-wide seventh grade spelling bee on the radio in Astoria. When I realized it was me against Wanda Biggs for the final word, I froze. The word was exaggerate, a word I could easily spell. But my mind went blank. “E-g-g-s-?” I began. The moderator, seeing my panic, tried to help. “No, EX-aggerate.” I searched frantically in my tortured mind and came up with “E-c-k-s …?” At which point he turned to Wanda. “Wanda?” She tossed her hair, stepped up to the microphone and rattled it off. The letter X, that’s what I couldn’t find. I wanted to die. Wanda smirked, her favorite expression. That was a humiliation I clearly have issues about to this day. At our 50-year class reunion Wanda brought her red chiffon prom dress, and hung it on a divider in the center of the room. Then she laid out on tables all of her angora sweaters, complete with the scarves she had tucked into the neck back in the Fifties; and the earrings she had worn with each outfit. She stood to make an announcement: “Everything here still fits me perfectly.”
That was obviously true—but…Why?
Another humiliation I still have issues about happened the night before my first cancer surgery. My then-husband brought his mistress over to share a bottle of wine and “comfort” me. Since I couldn’t eat or drink anything I tried to make conversation with her. I used a word which I had read but never used in conversation. I pronounced it BANE-ul. She flashed a quick, amused look at my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and finally, encouraged by his grin, laughed out loud. “Do you mean ban-OWL?” I’ll never mispronounce that word again. In fact, I’ll never use that word again.
Jack, my husband for the last twenty-eight years, never smirks, or smiles, or grins if I mispronounce something. I haven’t felt pronunciation humiliation for ages.
Now if I only knew for sure how to pronounce “vapid.” My Unabridged Dictionary says it’s vapp-id, but the online Webster’s says it could also be pronounced vaypid.
And flaccid. There’s a word for which I have used the secondary pronunciation, flassid, like everyone else, until I looked it up and found that the preferred pronunciation is flak-sid. Not that it’s a word anyone regularly uses. I may never use that word again, either.
Now try to get that word out of your head.
Humiliation is a familiar feeling to a person who learns words by reading rather than by hearing them in conversation. The first time I was humiliated for pronouncing a word wrong was when I asked Dad why he didn’t get some MAN-ure to use as fertilizer. He puzzled over it for a minute, then gently explained that man-OOR was what he shoveled up in the barn and dumped onto the farm crops. But he couldn’t conceal his amusement.
Spelling can be another source of humiliation for a word lover. I nearly won the county-wide seventh grade spelling bee on the radio in Astoria. When I realized it was me against Wanda Biggs for the final word, I froze. The word was exaggerate, a word I could easily spell. But my mind went blank. “E-g-g-s-?” I began. The moderator, seeing my panic, tried to help. “No, EX-aggerate.” I searched frantically in my tortured mind and came up with “E-c-k-s …?” At which point he turned to Wanda. “Wanda?” She tossed her hair, stepped up to the microphone and rattled it off. The letter X, that’s what I couldn’t find. I wanted to die. Wanda smirked, her favorite expression. That was a humiliation I clearly have issues about to this day. At our 50-year class reunion Wanda brought her red chiffon prom dress, and hung it on a divider in the center of the room. Then she laid out on tables all of her angora sweaters, complete with the scarves she had tucked into the neck back in the Fifties; and the earrings she had worn with each outfit. She stood to make an announcement: “Everything here still fits me perfectly.”
That was obviously true—but…Why?
Another humiliation I still have issues about happened the night before my first cancer surgery. My then-husband brought his mistress over to share a bottle of wine and “comfort” me. Since I couldn’t eat or drink anything I tried to make conversation with her. I used a word which I had read but never used in conversation. I pronounced it BANE-ul. She flashed a quick, amused look at my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and finally, encouraged by his grin, laughed out loud. “Do you mean ban-OWL?” I’ll never mispronounce that word again. In fact, I’ll never use that word again.
Jack, my husband for the last twenty-eight years, never smirks, or smiles, or grins if I mispronounce something. I haven’t felt pronunciation humiliation for ages.
Now if I only knew for sure how to pronounce “vapid.” My Unabridged Dictionary says it’s vapp-id, but the online Webster’s says it could also be pronounced vaypid.
And flaccid. There’s a word for which I have used the secondary pronunciation, flassid, like everyone else, until I looked it up and found that the preferred pronunciation is flak-sid. Not that it’s a word anyone regularly uses. I may never use that word again, either.
Now try to get that word out of your head.
Monday, April 20, 2009
ENEMIES
If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. …Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
FLYING
Be like the bird, pausing in his flight
On limb too slight,
Feels it give way, yet sings,
Knowing he has wings.
Victor Hugo
On limb too slight,
Feels it give way, yet sings,
Knowing he has wings.
Victor Hugo
Sunday, April 19, 2009
It's late
My friend Karen www.museofsouthprairie.blogspot.com said I could have a blog up by the end of the weekend. I just now took her up on it. She was right. So quick and easy. Now to add content...
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